Fairies, Trolls, and Staff Sergeant Maltin




Chapter Five



   One big disadvantage to living in a glass house, even with opaque walls, was that the sun woke the occupants very early. Maltin threw an arm over his eyes, then growled and rolled out of bed. As he raised his arm he encountered a dead, foul smell that reminded him that he needed a bath too. He just finished the thought when he heard water running. He looked up in alarm and found a new doorway.
   "Son of a bitch," he said in admiration. "A hotel that reads minds. I want coffee and toast," he said to the walls around him. A tray slid out of the wall. He ran forward and found exactly what he wanted.
   "I want entertainment, visual and audible," he said.
   The far wall shimmered and a dozen alien dancers waltzed across his wall, in shimmering lace. The aliens were very human looking, in a fairy-like way. They were thin, beautiful, and had four fingers on each delicate hand.
   "I need to tell Mili about this," he mumbled. The view of the dancers was suddenly replaced by Mili stepping out of a glass and gold tub.
   "Hi," Maltin said in embarrassment. She looked up slowly. A look of disgust crossed her face, but she didn't scream, which said a lot for her reflexes. She calmly took up a towel and wrapped it around herself.
   "And what do you want, Mister Peeping Tom?" she asked as she picked up a sonic toothbrush.
   "I was going to tell you that the room reads your mind," he said in embarrassment.
   "I know that," she held up the tooth brush, then continued brushing her teeth.
   "I didn't intend to tell you now," he growled and looked at his room.
   "Then go away," she said over her shoulder and the view faded.
   "Nice body," Maltin said, very impressed with what he had seen.
   "Thank you," Mili's voice came from the walls around him. He ducked and went into his own new bathroom.
   When Maltin finished his bath, he found his uniform still sitting on the bench where he'd left it, but now it was clean and mended.
   "I had white socks?" he said in wonder while he held them up to admire them. "I thought they were green." Another pair of socks, this pair in official OD green, slid out of the wall where the white pair had lain.
   "I could die happy here," he said with a rush of emotions. A loud, annoying half-note sounded from the ceiling for several minutes, then shut off.
   "What the hell was that about?" he asked, rubbing his ears. When he finished all his necessaries, he grabbed his rifle left by the front entrance to find Mili waiting.
   "This place is SO strange," Maltin said, rubbing his ears again.
   "You got the "improper thought" treatment?" she asked, smiling.
   "The what?"
   "I wish my dead father was here," she said slowly and distinctly. The loud, annoying half-note sounded again. Mili had thrown her hands over her ears before it started.
   "Gee, thanks, Mili."
   "That's the improper thought warning. Whenever you have an improper thought or request, it goes off to annoy you."
   "I noticed. How did you find out?" he finally asked as they made their way to the stairs.
   "I wished that you-know-who was here already," she pointed at her stomach. The alarm went off again, surprising and deafening them both.
   Maltin growled and glared, then pushed past her and made his way down the stairs without waiting.
   "We need a restaurant," Mili called to Maltin. A yellow line suddenly lit across the floor, leading to the front entrance.
   "Look's like we've found one," he said with a grin. Mili stopped and gasped when she saw her packs. They were laying exactly as she had left them, but cleaned and mended.
   "This place is quite a magician," Maltin said with a rueful grin. "Leave them, they'll be safe here," he waved them aside and took Mili by the elbow.
   The restaurant was automatic, just like their rooms. They delighted in ordering the most exotic food imaginable, only to find that it tasted exactly like they expected it to taste, no better or no worse. If they didn't know how a dish looked or should taste, no dish appeared.
   They returned to Maltin's room, excited, but at a loss for what to do next.
   "Mili, we're playing in this wonderland, while the world goes to hell around us. You wanted a computer," Maltin said suddenly, "order one."
   "Yeah, great idea. I need a computer programmed in DEC Galactic Basic, which will interface with the functions of this city," she said to the room at large. The room darkened and the background hum of the city dropped noticeably.
   "Whoa, something's going on. Concentrate," Maltin encouraged her, "think about exactly what you want. I'll try to help," he closed his own eyes, but the thoughts he wanted to concentrate on somehow evaded him. He gave up with a grunt of disgust.
   Mili closed her eyes and tried to visualize circuits, programming, keyboards, and everything else that went into a computer. The light brightened slightly, but no computer appeared. Suddenly a woman was standing in the doorway.
   "Holy shit," Maltin brought up his weapon, then noticed the intruder was a shapely blonde in a skimpy outfit.
   "Restrain yourself," the woman said in perfect English. Maltin's eyes bulged out as he studied each delicate curve of her body. She was one of the fairies who had been dancing on his wall a few hours earlier. He noticed her slender four-fingered hands and nodded to himself.
   "Hey, don't worry, lady, they couldn't pay me enough to shoot you. Who are you?"
   "The interface you requested."
   "What?" Maltin asked.
   "She's the computer," Mili said breathlessly.
   The cold blue eyes went to Mili, and the woman nodded. "What is it that you wish?"
   "Well listen, Ms. Interface, we have ourselves one hell of a war out there," Maltin said as he laid the gun on his bed.
   "We are aware of this. That's why we sent you the communication."
   "You sent the lights?" Mili asked.
   "Yes. Since you are obviously the intelligent one, I will interface with you," the woman said to Mili. Mili giggled and looked at Maltin over her shoulder.
   "You two go ahead and interface," Maltin said with a wave of his hand, "I won't look."
   Mili scowled and turned to the interface. "Does the city have defenses to keep the trolls out of the city."
   "Certainly. The defenses were active when you gained access to the city. They were temporarily deactivated to allow you to pass."
   "Thank God," Mili breathed a sigh of relief.
   "Noted."
   "Can you destroy the trolls who occupy the space around this planet?" Maltin interrupted.
   "We do not destroy unless directly attacked," the woman said coldly.
   "Neither do we, but we've been directly attacked almost to death over the past 8 months," Maltin said as he sat on the bed.
   "Noted."
   "Hey, what the hell does that mean?" Maltin spun around to face the woman.
   "Your comment was noted for future action or reference," she said unemotionally.
   "Well note this. The human race is about to become extinct on your planet, so the only occupants will be the trolls, and the 9-16... hey, did you guys send those things out?"
   "The automatic security devices you refer to as 9-16's are being manufactured by the Northern city. We do not anticipate the need for mobile defenses or condone their use. We are... were," she blinked suddenly, showing the first signs of uncertainty, "a passive race."
   "Your race is gone now," Mili said sympathetically. "We are the only occupants of this wonderful city. I guess that makes us the new owners," she said, looking at Maltin for support.
   "So note that," Maltin pointed at her shapely chest.
   "I... noted," she finally said, blinking quickly.
   "Hey, are you all right?" Mili asked in concern. She moved forward and placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. She looked at Maltin in surprise.
   "She's warm. She feels human."
   "Oh really," Maltin said, rubbing his hands together with a greedy smile on his face.
   "You are such a pervert," Mili said in disgust.
   "There's nothing perverted about friendly sex. You should know that," he pointed at her abdomen with a grin.
   Mili covered her abdomen protectively and led the woman over to sit on the bed.
   "What's the matter?" Mili asked in concern. The woman blinked at Mili as if seeing her for the first time.
   "I am assimilating the new information. The City is mourning," she said sadly.
   "I'm sorry. Do you want to go to my room and rest?"
   "No, I will remain here. Staff Sergeant Maltin is in need as well, I am designed to fulfill those needs. Sex is a pure and wonderful form of creation, the ultimate art form," the woman said in all seriousness. Mili's face showed her shock. She looked at Maltin, who was equally shocked, and a little frightened.
   "Go Mil E, I will take care of this," the woman said in a confidential tone.
   "That's Mili, not Mil E," Mili said in a daze as she left the room. When Mili was gone the woman turned and looked at Maltin. She turned on an instantaneous artificial smile and patted the bed next to her.
   "Oh, what the hell," Maltin said, already ripping off his uniform.